Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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