I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
