So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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