Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
