If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
