In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
