Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
