oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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