went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
