So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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