and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
