My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
