I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
