the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
