So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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