IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
