just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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