Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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