So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
