I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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