i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
