Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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