i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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