You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Randomize
