I seem to have left my pride at pride
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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