It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I want a musical about memes.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
