the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
