He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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