Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
