Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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