Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
