i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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