I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
