walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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