theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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