A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize