My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
