and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
