Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
