All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
