I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
