Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Help. Why am I so naked?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
