I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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