I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Randomize
