Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
