Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
