we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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