So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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