Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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