Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
