I want to stick my p in your. b.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
