Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
FUCK WHALES
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
