That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
