make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
