Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I can't put those talents on a resume
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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