dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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