I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
How external is "for external use only"?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
