Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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