when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
