You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
