u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize