He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
