You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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