So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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