my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize