He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
