She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
